Resolving Conflicts and Fostering Reconciliation Within Marriages
That Saturday, work didn’t go as planned. I brought my frustration along as I got into my husband’s car. He patiently listened to my complaints without interruption. Upon reaching home, he sat me down, prepared a comforting cup of hot mocha, and asked, “What happened at work?”. Besides the hot mocha, my husband also offered me emotional connection – the diamond unearthed in resolving conflict.
How often have you engaged in dialogue to resolve conflict, only to be derailed by a single harsh comment from your beloved spouse?
Conflict is inherent in all relationships, as stated by Esther Perel, even couples who don’t engage in overt arguments still experience underlying tensions. The essence is to uncover the real reasons behind the conflict. Comprehend the reasons behind your reactions: Blowing up, staying silent or avoiding conflict altogether, are the hidden emotional needs longing for connection.
The events could be as mundane as bickering over how and when is the right time to do laundry. Or perhaps insisting you visit the in-laws together that Sunday evening. Feeling underappreciated over the division of household chores or simply wanting to have more couple time together are the unmet emotions to excavate beyond the surface of the events.
Here are 4 simple ways to make conflict productive.
Establish boundaries.
Learn to call time-out when your partner is calling you names or yelling at you. Tell them to stop as you deserve to be treated with respect.
Seek opportunities to learn the other person’s perspective.
Listen to your partner to uncover the underlying reasons for the argument. Offer a listening ear to understand their unmet needs and desires. Behind every argument lies a plea to be acknowledged. Discover the core of the issue to prevent ongoing conflicts.
Agree to disagree.
Not every problem will find a solution. You and your partner may not be able to resolve the problem. Learn to drop it and focus on what is important to maintain a happy relationship.
Find the middle ground.
Compromise plays a major role in conflict resolution. Take turns to decide on things like where to eat dinner or find a middle ground to achieve a win-win outcome that satisfy both your desires.
These are four effective methods for managing conflict constructively. Above all, recognise that conflicting viewpoints emerge because couples are open and honest with each other. Embracing these constructive conflict-resolution techniques will foster emotional security in your relationship, ultimately strengthening the emotional bond. Let’s commit to navigating conflicts in a productive manner!
If you would like to speak to a counsellor, reach out to us via [email protected] or call us at 62355229. We provide free counselling for couples. Alternatively, approach Family Assist Online Counselling services for live web chat counselling (live chat), phone counselling (arranged through live chat) and email counselling at https://familyassist.msf.gov.sg/content/resources/programmes/online-counselling/
Written by: Isabelle Ng, Marriage Counsellor, Fei Yue Community Services
